Yesterday I was babysitting a four-year-old neighbor who was really excited to show me the pet fish on her nightstand. She held my hand and led me to the tank, where I saw a beautiful purple beta, floating upside down at the top. Faith was looking right at it too, but she was just chatting away about having her own pet in her room and how often she has to feed it.
"How's it doing," I asked cautiously.
"Really good!" she said.
I didn't have the heart to tell her how wrong she was.
Then today I saw this video, which sort of makes me wish I could have been there when she learned the truth, just in case something this adorable had happened next.
Remember: This girl is not my neighbor. Different dead fish.
31 March 2009
09 March 2009
Dart This!
Everyone has had a first car. That is, of course, unless you've never owned a car. For the sake of this post, let's assume that you have.
Some first cars are completely boring. If your first car was a new car, most likely it did not fulfill the requirements of the fabled 'first car.' What are the requirements of a first car, you ask? Well, I've made a list of what I think are a few guidelines in determining the quality of a first car.
1. First cars are completely dependable, though in cold weather they may have to be parked on a hill to start them.
2. First cars are perfect in any way. How the design of the dents seem to follow some Pythagorean algorithm, how the rust spots tend to look like deceased relatives, and how the rips in the seats are perfect for holding a wallet and/or cell phone: all perfect.
3. First cars, like most nice things and works of art, vary in color and texture, as numerous professional quality touch-ups run the length of the vehicle.
4. First cars are not only for transportation. They are havens and retreats for the afflicted, the oppressed, and the 17-year-old loser and his loser friends.
5. First cars are closely connected with first bands.
My second first car, though not as classic or whimsical, was just as epic as my first, if not more so. It was a 1988 Lincoln Town Car. It truly was a luxury vehicle. It had air conditioning and a radio: both upgrades from my previous vehicle. It also had an automatic trunk, with a little electronic retractable latch that pulled it down tight, so I didn't have to put too much effort into closing it. It had leather seats, a glow-in-the-dark thermometer, and automatic headlights that switched between bright and dim based on ambient light. This car took over for my senior year in high school, and lasted all the way to the very end of my junior year of university (and I mean VERY end).
The night before our senior registration, four friends and I almost got arrested in this car. I've been pulled over in this car more times than most people have been pulled over in their life. Why? Stereotypes and vehicle profiling. I got this car at about 60,ooo, and got to take it past the 100,000 mile mark. This car was epic, I tell you. Oh, and that huge bump by the post office? 'Nuff said. Even its death was epic. On my way home for the summer after my junior year of college, with all of my belongings packed in and hanging off of the car, it broke down. But not just broke down. I mean, I was driving down the highway, about 30 minutes out of Fayetteville, and stuff started falling out from under it. Apparently, it had something to do with the transmission. Anyways, some very strange man and wife wrecker team came and picked me up in Alma, after I spent 4 hours laying hands on my car, anointing my car with holy oil, and eating Geno's Pizza-By-The-Slice, and took me home. Epic. It's name was Esmerelda.
Me & Esmerelda, breaking 100,000
Rollin' them zeros
Some first cars are completely boring. If your first car was a new car, most likely it did not fulfill the requirements of the fabled 'first car.' What are the requirements of a first car, you ask? Well, I've made a list of what I think are a few guidelines in determining the quality of a first car.
1. First cars are completely dependable, though in cold weather they may have to be parked on a hill to start them.
2. First cars are perfect in any way. How the design of the dents seem to follow some Pythagorean algorithm, how the rust spots tend to look like deceased relatives, and how the rips in the seats are perfect for holding a wallet and/or cell phone: all perfect.
3. First cars, like most nice things and works of art, vary in color and texture, as numerous professional quality touch-ups run the length of the vehicle.
4. First cars are not only for transportation. They are havens and retreats for the afflicted, the oppressed, and the 17-year-old loser and his loser friends.
5. First cars are closely connected with first bands.
Though not possible, in some ways, I feel like I had two first cars. My first first car was a 1965 Dodge Dart that my dad and brother surprised me with when I was 14 (or 15?). It had some problems, but I still remember the night before my 16th birthday. My dad and I lay in pools of very-viscous fluid as we dropped the transmission, replaced the clutch, and fixed the brakes. We worked until at least 2 a.m. getting it ready to drive the next morning, and we even took it out that night just so I could get a feel for the three-on-the-tree shifting again. The trunk became the closet of my teenage life. It held guitar amps, french horns, and lots of other things so I would always be prepared. Eventually, though, we had to put it down. Brake problems. It was the perfect first car, and I am very thankful for it. Here are some pictures of cars that look exactly like my first car; regretfully, I don't have any of my own. It's name was Johnny 5. 
My second first car, though not as classic or whimsical, was just as epic as my first, if not more so. It was a 1988 Lincoln Town Car. It truly was a luxury vehicle. It had air conditioning and a radio: both upgrades from my previous vehicle. It also had an automatic trunk, with a little electronic retractable latch that pulled it down tight, so I didn't have to put too much effort into closing it. It had leather seats, a glow-in-the-dark thermometer, and automatic headlights that switched between bright and dim based on ambient light. This car took over for my senior year in high school, and lasted all the way to the very end of my junior year of university (and I mean VERY end).
The night before our senior registration, four friends and I almost got arrested in this car. I've been pulled over in this car more times than most people have been pulled over in their life. Why? Stereotypes and vehicle profiling. I got this car at about 60,ooo, and got to take it past the 100,000 mile mark. This car was epic, I tell you. Oh, and that huge bump by the post office? 'Nuff said. Even its death was epic. On my way home for the summer after my junior year of college, with all of my belongings packed in and hanging off of the car, it broke down. But not just broke down. I mean, I was driving down the highway, about 30 minutes out of Fayetteville, and stuff started falling out from under it. Apparently, it had something to do with the transmission. Anyways, some very strange man and wife wrecker team came and picked me up in Alma, after I spent 4 hours laying hands on my car, anointing my car with holy oil, and eating Geno's Pizza-By-The-Slice, and took me home. Epic. It's name was Esmerelda.
Me & Esmerelda, breaking 100,000
Rollin' them zeros What was your first car, and what was it like?
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